A story I wrote... (5)

1 Name: Elkkun : 2010-09-01 06:00 ID:5Mxr63tw

I wrote it a while back, but it was my very first torture fiction (I actually wrote it about...a few years back...Can't remember...) I thought it was pretty good but, like all darkfics I write (there's a few in my DeviantART gallery as well under 'stories' link's in my name) So I thought I'd post it here and see if you guys could give me some thoughts on it..
Critisize me all you want 8D
[/start]

The room cold. Dark. Moist. The rough metal scraping my wrists, my ankles and my neck. My back aches, my arms ache, my legs ache, my body aches from being hunched over like a gargoyle watching over the people of it's village. My wings are no longer white; stained with rusty blood. The feathers scattered across the floor. I try and swallow but my mouth is dry. My face wet from tears, sticky from blood. My breathing heavy. My heart's in my head. Looking down upon my bare scarred body I see a small trickle of red, from the last time they lashed me for speaking out of turn despite my dry and croaky voice.
I am not the only one in this hellish place. There is another, chained to the floor. Looking up at me a weak smile engraved on his face. Tail flickering as a nerve twitched, ears perking up at the slightest drip of water. His hair black. Mine white. He has a tail and perked up ears. I have wings. We contrast. Me saddened by fate. Him happy to not be alone any more. I enjoy the company. But what is company if it means ill?

He gives a dry cough. Slight ruby trickling from his mouth, he brings up a pawed hand to wipe it away. It stops. He looks. Realises that it is chained. Sighs and lays down. Mouths a few words of what could be a prayer. Or some form of wishing for death, or even words of reassurance to me. I cannot hear them. However I can feel them. His slitted irises watching over me like a guardian. Like a dog would protect their owner. Like a cat with prey. Like a bird with it's hatchings.

A click, and they're here. To take me. To hurt me. To examine my reflexes. My senses, and my nerves. A test for life? A test for Death? Nobody could say. Nobody could talk.

The innocent rattle of the chains which bore me to the wall, and I was released limply; caught in the same fashion. The other, glanced up. Saddened by my leave. His eyes glinted dangerously as he made eye-contact with one of the guards. He was kicked for it. He emitted a small weak mewl of pain. The guard just smiled and called him a pathetic excuse of life.
I was escorted down a dimly lit hall away from my cell, past many others. With different kinds of life in them. Scaly people with long tongues, and big eyes. Slimy people with movement so slow you couldn't tell if they were still living; they were prodded occasionally just to make sure. A few guards in that same cell poking them with sharp rust spear-like objects. Furry people in the next cell, long tails stood proud with their claws cut. In the next cell a more painful sight. Children. Around the ages of five, covered in dirt a bit of old blood and mucus from their constant crying. A few with small clipped wings. Some with bug-like attributes; thin wings, long necks, multiple arms or legs. Some glistened despite being covered in dirt. Beautiful...If they weren't crying.

They had approached the chamber, opened the door and violently threw me to the floor. Making sure I landed on the gritted floor and not the softer hay. Click. The door had closed. The room was unnaturally cold, then again I was more surprised I could feel the cold rather than how cold it was. My arms were dragged upwards my body followed along with my legs. Being too weak to move I couldn't fight back or fly away. Clink...My wrists were tied again but to the roof of the small room, a small light wiggled through the barred windows bringing in a slight breeze in with it, along with the smell of freshly cut grass. I could hear the guards whispering to each other one smirked and grabbed a long leather object. He then walked over to me still wearing that smile. Mischievous. Like a leopard stalking. He was talking to me, but there was no point. I couldn't hear him. My head couldn't take it, being used to silence for so long.

He passed the whip to somebody else. They stretched it a little to test the strength maybe? They did it before. I braced myself. I waited. It never came. I opened my eyes to see what they were doing.

A pain lashed throughout my body, finding every nerve and ripping it. Another one came down my back, I could feel the warm liquid of my body ooze out from the wound. Another one and I screamed as the pain bolted through my body seeping in to every single cell of my body, every nerve and shredding them to pieces. Red blobs covered the hay underneath. A few stray tears flowed from my eyes, down my face to join the red droplets. Another lashing came. Another scream. Another tear. Another part of hope lost to the end of a whip.

When it stopped, and the pain eased just slightly- and I mean ever so slight - throwing me back into the cell and re-chaining me back to the wall the salt which was rubbed onto the walls seeping into my back. It hurts - my God it hurts- the young, only a mere teenage cat. Gazing at me with pleading eyes, in a hope that I was still maybe just more than a little bit alive...

I only felt sorry that he would be next. Once I was gone...

[/end]-
That's about it really...
Tell me what you think.

2 Name: AnneCupcake : 2010-09-01 14:01 ID:O3gAPxZG

Hmh, though I don't really like darkfics (I tend to write one or two in like, a few months if not less), this one's pretty well written ^^ I guess I have no real critism because I am not an expert on these type of fics, but, it was good. I liked the way you describe the situation in the beginning.

3 Name: Yemi Hikari : 2010-09-01 19:23 ID:daNn02aZ

It's good. I was almost thinking... fanfiction, this isn't... fanfiction, but went back and reread it was fiction.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2010-09-01 20:48 ID:VXGXJSTj

Deep words.

5 Name: Elkkun : 2010-09-02 09:23 ID:5Mxr63tw

Thanks Guys/girls ^_^
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