Really worried? (WARNING: CONTROVERSIAL STORY) (13)

1 Name: sailorjupiterox : 2009-09-13 01:15 ID:gsV5LLMZ

Hey guys :) Clearly, I am new to this so ... bare with me :)

I have a Sailor Moon fanfiction on ff.net called Debts, but I am finding it hard to continue from the place that I have left it. It's an extremely controversial story where the main character, Serena is forced to (by her father) sleep with men, in order to attract 'clients', if you will, for her father (who is a loan shark*). The story is set in London, but that was only a decision made after I uploaded the first chapter. (In the first chapter I mentioned that it was in Juuban). So, just imagine there's a place called Juuban in London ^_^. Then, enters Darien. A newly acquired client of Tsukino (Serena's father), who Serena did not have to sleep with - that detail means everything - as Serena seems to be interested by the man who tries to ignore her.

My problem is that at the part I am on now, my chapter seems to be more and more like a scene out of Sex And The City. That sounds REALLY random. I'm meant to be writing about Serena and her friends in a café, so I don't think it matters too much.

Another problem is that I've done way too much of Rini and Darien. Rini is a very big secondary character in this and has an extremely important role - she's not just there to fill gaps.

But it's a SxD story, and I need to stay away from Rini for a while, but I can't, because I have a lot to write about her, and not enough for SxD!

Does anyone have any tips?!

    • if you don't know, a loan shark is a person who lends money to people who really need it. Usually, these people cannot pay the money back, and that is where the 'shark' part comes in. Loan sharks are not known for their generosity, in fact, they are some of the most violent people in London these days.

2 Name: SeraEris : 2009-09-13 02:12 ID:UODHFAVO

it seems a nice AU story but the english names are a bit of turn off
im into H&M so i dont really read anything else than H&M

so do you have Chibi-usa as their daughter? a relative of any kind or just a chick who throws herself to Mamoru?
i mean what is her age?

3 Name: sailorjupiterox : 2009-09-13 08:51 ID:gsV5LLMZ

OH! Sorry, I forgot to mention Chibi-usa's status. She's Mamoru's adoptive daughter :) Not related to Usagi or Mamoru in any way :)

4 Name: SeraEris : 2009-09-13 09:35 ID:pYhFZKyJ

and what is her age?

5 Name: F2008&K18 : 2009-09-13 11:03 ID:bw07QjW8

er...like serieris said, need ages...never did see SitC so can't relate to that...just how important is the Rini part? affair proportions, or compititionwise? and are you trying to get the Serena/darien going by having it where they both try to ignore each other or what? ages people, ages...maybe Darien is purposely ignoring serena to see what happens while slowly giving hints, and she is ignoring him but when trying to get his attention is being obvious? Rini is maybe blatently (sp?) giving herself to the guy but he won't accept?

dunno, i'll read the story to get an idea...question: what is your author name?

6 Name: F2008&K18 : 2009-09-13 11:04 ID:bw07QjW8

(facepalm) god i think i just repeated myself a few times...this is what happens when the brains of the us isn't here.

7 Name: SeraEris : 2009-09-13 11:46 ID:pYhFZKyJ

>>6 you are too funny you know that?

8 Name: sailorjupiterox : 2009-09-14 08:25 ID:gsV5LLMZ

Whoaaa ! No, Rini is fourteen/fifteen! Serena is nineteen/twenty, and Darien is about twenty four.
I don't think I made it clear, but Rini and Darien are not at all an item! Rini was adopted by his grandfather, but his grandfather got too old to care for her, so Darien took her in when he got old enough to! :)

My author name, sailorjupiterox :)

9 Name: SeraEris : 2009-09-14 09:30 ID:uGxc7Srn

well
you could either have chibi-usa bitching at mamoru about usagi or help mamoru to realize that usagi likes him A LOT :D
since she is important to mamoru
he will probably take her words serious.

you could have chibi-usa also bitching about usagi but then be at a difficult situation that usagi could help and then chibiusa changes her mind being friends with usako and helping her with mamo-chan :D

i dont know
what else
but since she is a major secondary character you can use her as a "help the couple" thingy ;)

10 Name: sailorjupiterox : 2009-09-14 09:55 ID:Hh+H19cn

@SeraEris - I loveee that idea! At the moment, Darien and Rini are arguing because Darien doesn't accept the fact that she has a crush on Helios, so Serena could maybe convince Darien?

I do have an idea that Darien and Serena have a massive argument, and Rini screams at Darien later on, saying that he's an idiot for doing that to Serena when she was clearly trying to protect him (from Serena's father) and she says;

'“Don't you dare throw this away,” Rini whispered, her conversation with Helios that day flying through her mind. “Don't you dare throw something away that everyone else searches for.”
Darien softened, clearly something had happened from her broken tone.'

Because I want Helios and Rini to have a massive argument that day too :)
What do you think?

11 Name: SeraEris : 2009-09-14 10:07 ID:cL3AuC8A

:)
as long as it works with your plot then it is good
;)

12 Name: sailorjupiterox : 2009-09-14 13:41 ID:Hh+H19cn

Thank youu ! You have been SO much help :)

13 Name: SeraEris : 2009-09-14 21:23 ID:bFBZN1u5

you are welcome ^_^

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