If there's already a thread like this, please ignore this. But I was wondering... my mother is 49, had five kids and is whining about not being a grandmother yet. Considering that my eldest sibling is 31 this October, you'd think that she might well be one by now, especially since he's voiced a desire to reproduce one day- its just he doesn't have a very stable job and his girlfriend is considerably younger than him. The second oldest one died six years ago, so of course that's not going to happen, the third is planning to move to Norway at some point to be with his girlfriend, so its possible, and the youngest is 19 and doesn't really have a clue what he wants to do with his life yet.
I find that, being the only female child, there is somehow more of a pressure on me to marry and have children, even though I'm only 17 (regardless of how many times my mother points out that she was married and pregnant at my age). The biggest problem here is that I have absolutely no desire to reproduce at ALL, or even marry, because its just not something I want to do. And please, spare me the 'you might change your mind' speech because I've heard it all before. Most people have discovered sex by now, even if they haven't had it, but even though I have tastes in men, I just don't want to have sex. The idea of it makes me uncomfortable and its not something I'm going to change my mind about. I'm not a late developer either, I hit puberty when I was 10.
I don't want kids because: I'm the youngest, always have been, I have no idea what to do with kids. I'm paranoid enough as it is, I don't need the extra stress. I'm going into the art field, not a particularly sturdy job to have. Babies are annoying and they grow into even more annoying teenagers. I refuse to give birth. I don't want to marry because: I'm not likely to find a guy who doesn't want sex, marriage or kids. I don't believe in marriage. I'm not anybody's goddamn wife.
They're just some of my reasons. So what about you, fanbbs? Are you planning to serve your biological purpose in life?
Well, just saying... that would make you asexual (which exists), modern (not marrying is quite some of that these days. Who wanna get married anyway? It is just a piece of paper.) and like some others not up for reproduction. Most of those asexual (not everyone) is like that, so it is not impossible that you won't change your mind. However, 17 is young. You don't wanna hear this, so I'll not say more about it. However a friend fo mine said just the same as you until the age of 28. She had gotten married, and two children two years later.
>>2 I know a lot of people change their minds, but I'm not likely to- I'm that kind of person. I've wanted to be an artist since I was little and I haven't changed my mind about that, and I'm not likely to. I've never wanted kids and I don't intend to change my mind about that, either. My aunt, for instance, is in her forties and has not had kids or been married, and she never wanted them. It's not like you have to have kids and I know myself quite well; even if I did change my mind I just wouldn't do it out of pride lol xD;
There's nothing wrong with your desires to change, so not having kids if you wanted them, out of pride, would be damaging.
Right now I've got too many plans, but I do want kids some day. Not entirely sure I want to get married, but I would happily stay with one person if I loved them and have a family with them, I'm of the belief that you can love someone but not need an official bit of paper to show it.
>>4 I guess so but still, I just don't think I will change my mind.
Actually, I'm kind of with you, for the most part (not about the sex though, since I'm kinda the opposite lol). I don't want to get married, and I don't want kids.
Don't get me wrong- I want to fall in love and spend my life, or at least part of it, with someone who loves me. To me, marriage is a formality. A few vows and a peice of paper don't make a relationship change. Besides, why not take that money that would go into the wedding and blow it on a kick ass honeymoon instead? lol
As for kids, I really don't want them. I am, quite frankly, too selfish a person to be a good mother. I'm not good at self sacrifice, and unless I can do that for a child without question, I don't feel qualified to have one. You never know, later on in life this might change. I'm willing to accept that that is a possibility, because I don't know what will happen down the road. Though, there's one thing for sure- I refuse to give birth. Along with selfish, I'm vain. That's what adoption is for. I still can't see even that changing.
If you don't want sex, marriage or children, that's your choice. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, or that you 'have' to do it. I've also got the condensending 'you'll change your mind' speech/look, and it pisses me off every time. They have no idea what I want or who I really am, so they can have no say in my life. Oh, and not doing it out of pride so sounds like something I would do. lol
I dreaded the thought of having kids and then, at age 39, my biological clock started to tick. I am now the blissfully happy father of a five-year-old girl.
I'm not saying this will happen to you, just don't like ... get your tubes tied or anything while you're still a teenager.
>>6 Finally someone who gets it.
>>7 The difference there is, I guess, that men can continue to reproduce until they die whereas women will stop one day, and women also get periods which are NOT nice things to have. And if you're like me and its particularly bad, and you don't want children, it really raise the question of a hysterectomy or some way of stopping the cycle.
But that aside, there is such a thing as making choices in life and I've made a choice that I do not want children. Or to get married. A lot of people talk about the biological clock thing but the way I see it - and I mean this in no offence to anyone - humans are intelligent creatures. We're capable of doing a lot more than fucking and having kids. We're also capable of acting and not acting on impulses like those so even if my clock started ticking or whatever, I still don't think I would because I'm not likely to ever have a relationship or a sturdy income as it is xD;
A hysterectomy is a very, very big choice. It screws you over physically as well as mentally. The dramatic change in the hormones as well as the subconcious implications can be really devastating.
My mum is nearly 50 and she's been told she might have to have one, and she's avoiding it if she can, because after that you go through the menopause, and that's a very, very big thing. It causes a lot of physical problems.
Think about it before you get anything done, is all I'm saying. Going on some form of long-term contraception would help and be much better than getting an operation. Plus I don't think that surgeons will perform hysterectomies just because you want one, I think you have to have a valid medical reason. Not just because you want to eliminate possibility of having children.
>>9 Yeah I know, its mostly just a thought. I've thought about it in different contexts too- I've always had a problem with transgenderism (and that's a whole other topic, I won't go into that), and often a part of that sex reassignment surgery is the removal of the reproductive system. Right now I don't see myself ever having the sex reassignment surgery because its so huge and I'm just not sure if I want to change so drastically. I just know what I want- and yeah, you're right about the hysterectomy thing- you can't get it on the NHS but I'm pretty sure you can go private. I'm not likely to, though xD; I was using it as an example mostly- like, the only way to stop people from banging on about it seems to be making it impossible to have children. Childish, I know, but I have more than enough problems with my family as it is so. I won't go into that either >.>
Marriage is just a piece of paper. It is giving so much (unnecessary) stress. You are forced to have the very same home address and other things... It scares me a bit, really. Official marriage seems to me like going away freedom. I wanna be free, and no one, no matter how much I love them, will be able to change me. No, that's nothing for me either. My other half and I both signed a piece of paper saying that as long as we love each other, we'll be together. It is nothing official, so no awkward consequences by law, and yet at the same time, we feel quite married. We just still have our freedom. It most likely just sounds odd. I never wanted to get married either. My other half however wanted nothing else, so that was our compromise.
We have made more than just one. We sleep together occasionally, but I never particularly liked sex. It sometimes even makes me feel sick. Other half of course is nuts about it. It may sound selfish, but I don't really mind the fact she cannot stay off me. Whenever I however have to do the effort... I dread it. Thank goodness my other half understands and is mostly happy with cuddling.
Of course it is everyone's own choice. If you yourself aren't sure that you wanna have children, then it most likely already isn't that good an idea. If you're sure you don't wanna have any, then don't. I personally think that if you're having a baby just because you don't wanna 'stay behind' or such is no good reason. I don't think it would be in the best interest of the child.
However, I agree that hysterectomy (as said) is very drastically (even though only saying). I always wanted children, and a bunch of them as well. I have never been able to have any of my own. We got denied every IVF or whatever exists last minute. Of course it is one's own decision not to have children as I already said, just don't do anything dumb and maybe regret it later after all. I can tell you how much it hurts to long for a child of yourself and not be able to have it in any way, to look at those with thier big, round bellies and feel yourself die a bit more inside.
Everyone is different, as is very clear by this thread. I've always wanted children, as soon as I'm old enough and I've seen some of the world. I'd like to have them around the age of 30, so the way I see it, I've still got 10 years to see the world, fall in love, fall out of love perhaps and experience so much, so when it comes to that time, I'd love to have kids, once I'm done living life to the full.
I have so many plans in the next few years, and I study Engineering, so I'd not be able to have kids anyway, since I want to make money so I can live comfortably.
Sex however, is a big part of my life, I love the intimacy and at times, just the whole experience and being able to try new things. But I get that some people aren't interested. I lost my sex drive a while ago and for 4 months I wasn't interested at all, I could get into it but it was never as enjoyable as before, or after that period of my life.
If I do have children, they will be adopted and at least nine. I'm on the tall side, so when I see babies or small animals, I have this horrendous fear that I'll sit on them and crush them or something. Plus the pregnancy process would not be something I relished. I've always found it to be a form of minor self-mutilation.