So, I have got some friends living abroad, of which some living abroad. I was with one of them in England two weeks ago. She drove two hours to come get me at the airport. I paid her gas refill. I stayed at her place, and since they are very poor, I had brought gifts not only for her, but for her brother and sister and parents as well. She's madly in love with a guy living a couple of towns further. She wanted to see him for the first time, but didn't have the money to pay the gas. I paid everything again. We stayed there for two days. She was chatting the shole time with him while I shared the desktop with his son to mail my partner at home. They didn't care about me. I often felt like they didn't even notice I was there. I stayed the night, even though I didn't know the guy at all. My friend wasn't up to drive home. She probably slept with the guy. I don't know. Anyway. Again, she had no money to drive back home, so again I paid the gas. That day before I would return home I accidentally pushed the back of a chair against her desktop, causing the CD rom drive to crack. My friend (whom I have known for three years and whom I see as a sister) took it out and broke it completely. I apologised profusely, but it was really an accident. I paid the gas again to drive me back to the airport. She took her computer in recently, and it can be fixed for about £20. She doesn't have the money. I don't really either. All my money went up on the travel there to make her happy. She cannot use the computer anymore except for net use and she's now very sarcastic to me. "Fine. I cannot pay for it either. I cannot use the computer anymore except for surfing, so thank you very much. I don't even have the money to fix my car door, and I may have to sell it now." My better half thinks she's not worth my friendship, and she only wants to be my friend for my money. It was her who really ruined it, and it was an accident. She doesn't think I should pay for it, but suggested I do anyway as soon as I get my loan, and break with her completely. I feel guilty about it, but I really don't know what to do. What would you guys do?
My partner doesn't think I should pay for it. She thinks my friend is just trying to make me feel more guilty so that I'll pay.
Well, I'm sorry...
Oh, Marth, you can extort money from me any time...
@1- Pay what you owe and then either cut your ties or bring this up with her; she's been a cow. Money you give someone as a favour doesn't cancel out debts you incur, even if they're accidental. Maybe it's due to a culture clash, so here: if a Brit 'doesn't think' you should pay for something, they mean 'PAY-UP-PAY-UP-NOW-YOU-CROOK'. 'You don't have to' means 'you'd better'. 'No, I'll pay' means 'now it's your turn to insist on paying'.
>>20 Aside from the nasty remarks about the computer, do you guys still talk?
I'm with >>5 and say just pay her the money. It's easier to stop her griping and bitching. Besides, it was kinda your fault. I wouldn't feel guilty about it. It was only a small accident. Plus 20 quid isn't all that much; so let go of your pride and just give her the money. Even though you spent a lot of petrol, you wasn't forced to do so. See it as a lesson learned (next time, aside from when she's taking you somewhere you want to go, go halves on petrol) and move on.
After that I'd not bother having her as a friend. She sounds like an idiot. However, if you have been friends for ages and if you have been talking (hence my first question) it might be worth keeping the friendship.
The twenty pounds is a no brainer. Pay it, for your own sake. The value of the friendship, however, is down to you. (Personally I say dump her.)