Since we have no thread dedicated to this that I can see, hear it is.
Fanficers offering other fanficers relationship advice, a brilliant idea or a recipe for disaster? You decide...
GO!
AHAHAHAHA.
This'll be better than Eastenders...
Okay so what advice do you have on, I'm in love with my best friend?
tell them?
or is it more complicated than that?
way more complicated, I like him but he is quite immature, he would be weirded out and probs not speak to me but there is also a chance he likes me back.
Well, I think you have to ask yourself if you're willing to risk losing this friendship then.
I know from experience that this kind of thing can end very badly... You know, awkwardness and stuff? At least, things won't go back to being the same afterwards. I'm not saying that that's the case with any friendship, but I've seen friendships break because of (an) unrequited crush/love.
So... how long have you been crushing on him? If you think it's just a momentary thing, then I wouldn't do anything with it. :X Unless you're pretty darn sure he feels the same way.
I agree. If it is just momentarily - maybe wait until it passes. Some teenagers are sometimes confused in friendship and love. We often want to love someone who respects us like our friends do. Hell, I remember being very confused in these years. A lot of girls and boys, women and men are dealing with this. If you're really sure about this, I suggest you let it slowly develop. Occasionally hug or something like that. Maybe you could try kiss him on the cheek after a while and such? If you slowly, subtly make it clear to him, then sooner or later he's going to question - likely in a typical boy way - "Hey, are you in love with me or what?" You usually can derieve a lot of his tone and such.
I have liked him for tow years, thanks for the advice, I think I mught have to leave it for now, I value his friendship more I think, I'd rateher have him as a friend than risk loosing him
I spelt a lot of the wrong sorry
Lol. Now do that advice for a guy crushing on a girl. My brother's tearing himself to pieces.
Lol. Now do that advice for a guy crushing on his best friend who's a girl. My brother's tearing himself to pieces.
@ 10
Wow, two years, that's really a long time. How old are you, if I may ask?
@ 12
For guys it's pretty much the same thing :P
Oh, it's really not.
Hmm. Well maybe not exactly the same. I did hear that it's harder for guys to get the girl to like him back. Something about once he's in the "friend zone" it's almost impossible to get out. Or, so I heard. I'm not a guy.
im 17, but have known him since year 7 and best friends since year nine
@15
im 17, but have known him since year 7 and best friends since year nine.
@17- The "friend zone" is a term used by women who are too wishy-washy to tell their buddy with a crush that he doesn't have a hope in hell, and men who cannot bear to face the fact that they are about as sexually attractive as a dead squid (to a normal person, not that man who got arrested for screwing one, I hasten to add). People of both sexes can be attracted to someone they used to consider just a friend.
(The real problem is that it's a lot more difficult to be a repulsive woman than it is to be a repulsive man. Don't believe me? Next time you go shopping, wear nothing but bright pink leather underwear, and see what happens.)
On a completely unrelated note, my ten-year ban from Morrisons expires soon!
You got a 10 year ban from Morrisons? Wow. Safeway's can be strict.
I don't believe in the friend zone. If you're fool enough to fuck the relationship up so much that you hate each other, then you need to work on your socializing skills.
Problem with girls (and being one I would know) is we'd like to keep options open.
You'd be surprised how easy it is to play 5 or 6 guys off each other at the same time without any of them noticing while you wittle down your list of prospective boyfriends.
The friend zone only exists in that respect; options open, now she knows you're interested she'll probably want you to prove you're worthy of boyfriend status. Flowers, gifts, etc etc.
And that applies to ALL males. You'll piss your girlfriend/date/crush off if you don't man up and act like a Disney prince once in a while. Disney has ruined woman for you. Sorry.
I recommend a bouquet of flowers, an admission of like and a mind blowing kiss.
BAM - New girlfriend, no loss of friendship. Happiness all round.
@22- ~Facepalm~
@23- May we never meet. You disgust, repulse and exasperate me. That's quite a feat.
@25- Why are you conversing with yourself?
And what does the ID code know?
Hey, other me, other me's girlfriend and other me's and other me's girlfriend's friend. Grow up.
But you're other me.
So you grow up.
But i'm original me...
Ok, how old are we? And how old is my girlfriend, who you also seem to represent? Get it wrong and you lose all your internets.
...Creepy. Dude >>25,27,29,32 get a life, and stop pretending to be someone else.
18. On both counts.
You sir, appear to have lost your internets.
On the contrary, my dear doppelganger, you have lost yours. So, please, desist your actions before I get all Ranma Saotome on your ass.
The real me again... I love that it's the creator of the thread doing this....
Yes, I, Scourgeofthegalaxy created this thread.
And I am TV Geek and HoldenCaulfield also.
We are all one and the same.
Heey Holden. Go to bed. Like you told me you would.
Imposter, YOU GOT TOLD!
I also find it interesting that this person har only chosen people from London...
But I am from London.
Because I'm Scourgeofthegalaxy, HoldenCaulfield, TV Geek and perhaps someone else.
>>39 Wow, you know there are people you can talk to about this. The multiple personality disorder/ delusions/ whatever you want to call them because you clearly have some issues. Perhaps it was the alien abduction that addled your brain...
>>21, that really made me laugh! Especially considering you're a pacman ghost, seeing you in pink leather undewear at Morrissons would be quite the experience. While I agree with >>20 I disagree with >>21, there are pleanty of women I would not want to see like that...
>>22, lol, wut?
>>23, you best be trollin.
Anything after that is too stupid to bother responding to...
@45- Ah, but I can guarantee that there are MORE men you would not want to see like that. My point was that there are more men who are sexually unattractive than there are women who are sexually unattractive, not that all women are attractive.
So... many... posts.
@ 19
I see... Well, maybe you could try to do some subtle things like Bola suggested. I mean, two years is too long to say it's just a momentary crush... But I'll still say: be careful.
@ 23
Aha... Some of my friends do that too. Yet, they are offended if they find out one of their potential boyfriends has other girls too.
@ 47
True to that. I should probably take this with a grain of salt, but I've read some articles in scientific magazines that said women are only gonna become more attractive in the future, while men are pretty much gonna stay the same.
^ Ugh. Forgot to fill in my name. That was my post.
>>48, why will women get more attractive? And what did they mean by 'more attractive'?
OH I HATE NEEDY PEOPLE WHO CANNOT TAKE HINTS.
Sample email:
'Hey, how are you, casual friend? Thought I'd ask to totally show how caring and mature I am! I'll make sure to overreact to every word you say so you know I LISTEN and CARE! I'm feeling... depressed... my dad, as usual. ~sigh~ Don't ask (please, ask. Ask! ASK!). I don't want to burden you (SEE HOW CARING AND CONSIDERATE I AM!). I promise I'm not wangsting to artificially deepen our friendship or anything like that. xD'
Tw@.
AAAAAAAAAAAARGH STOP CREEPING HERE BE WALL HEAD MEET WALL AAAAAAAARGH
(And I can't stick with my other friends because they're on the other side of the world for three weeks oh fml fml fml should I say I'm homosexual would that work probably not creep might find it hot fml maybe I'll fake my death could be fun fml leave me alone I don't find you remotely attractive and never will)
Why are some people completely oblivious to body language, tone of voice, and blatant distaste??!
Oh dear...
I kinda know how you feel though. It's always kind of nerve-wracking when someone just...doesn't leave you alone. I have no advice to offer...I usually just get increasingly cold and distant until they finally leave me alone.
@moonphase- I've been doing that for roughly a year. The trouble is, the friendship is a nice one, and it's not one I'm willing to lose. We've been friends for six years; we basically have the same circle of friends, a lot of memories, etc. If my acquaintance could get a partner, all would be well. If.
So I talk about everyday things, but ignore all clumsy flirtation, or crush it with sarcasm. Does that work? Does it hell.
Perhaps I'll pretend to be infatuated w/ my friend's closest friend. Might work.
Same here ...; There are two guys (and one is only fourteen!!) that won't leave me alone. Sad thing is, I like to talk to the older one but they are always trying to hint at a relationship.
Oh, and the older guy is the ex of my elder sister. That's a little too unappealing for me.
Ah, never mind they are actually the only guys that pay attention to me in a romantic way, but right now I really don't need one.
>>54, my sympathies. A year ago, I was in the same place, this person was just one in a solid group of friends, but he was kinda weird and would not leave me alone. Then I almost lost friendship with most of them because I began to get so closed off, if not mean, around him. It's almost like I just couldn't help it. He'd always touch me or get really close, he was always around. And usually I'd end up biting his head off, and everyone would stare at me like I was a total bitch.
Anyway, I away for a month, so saw no one, and when I came back, he had a girlfriend. So now thibgs are slowly returning to normal. By the sounds of things, unless you put some distance between you, your doomed. Unfortunately, I don't know how you could do that without ruining friendships, without having the excuse of a trip or holiday like I did.
Maybe you could try leaving bigger hints, are you looking for romance right now? If your not bothered, maybe you could drop that into conversation at the right points, that you just are not interested, that such behaviour would be irritating or unwanted right now.
Maybe if there is someone else in the group that this person is close to, you could try and broach the issue with them, or let them know (subtly or out-right) that you are just not interested. A good friend would tell them I'm sure.
Gosh, worst case scenario I suppose you could pull him aside, ask about his feelings, and then tell him straight that now isn't good, and you're just friends and you like your relationship the way that it is.
This probably doesn't need to be said, but @ >>23 You are so very wrong. I'm a female, and I've never in my entire life done that.
In my opinion, any woman that stoops to this kind of plainly stupid behaviour deserves to be left single for the entirety of her life.
And, I know this is old news by now, but I only just found out about it. Stalking me is okay, that I can live with, but impersonating me... pathetic. Or at least attempting to impersonate me without properly stalking me first, very lazy. For one thing I have no relationship experience, and am not in any need for relationship advice, so, this thread was clearly the wrong choice.
Secondly, I always type longer messages than that post-it.
Thirdly, that was just pointless of you.
Okay, I had to rant, apologies if it bored anyone, back to the thread.
>>57, man, that guy sounds like a total prick. Yeah, whenever I get chatted up it's by someone I'm not interested in. I look younger than I am, so I often get fourteen years old trying it on (eeeww...) I decided to get all pro active, and do the 'chasing' myself. So I told this guy how I felt and got completly shot down ... :/
@56 and 57- My friend's not that bad. More of a mix of lonely, insecure and a bit desperate. I think my friend just wants someone to be close to, and doesn't meet that many people of the opposite sex, so has projected onto me a bit. Trouble is, the real me is not the same person as the romantic fantasy version in my friend's head, and we're not suited to each other. Being too harsh isn't an option; as Sephiroth would say, my friend is a walking mass of complexes. That's also the reason that talking to the best friend isn't an option- one of those complexes happens to be an inferiority complex revolving around said best friend. It's all very silly, very tiresome and very immature. I'm wary of playing agony blob when that might well exacerbate matters, but then my friends should always come first. Oh, screw it, I'll bite the bullet and stop being such a selfish mess.
>>62, You can love more than one child or more than one parent or more than one friend, so I don't see why not. However, it is best to make a choice (between having one of the people, or neither)because if you don't, one of the people you love will get hurt. And that would be unloving of you.
@62- Indubitably.
On a different note, I just had the 'umeboshi on one's back' (Fruits Basket fans will know to what I refer) situation IRL. It was rather surreal. I'd imagine that when people read my posts, they do not get an image of Tohru Honda. But there we are.
@65 well if hes going off on one everytime you say get away, then somethings not quite right, he should leave you alone out of mutual respect at the least.
without being mean, a fairly good way of getting the message across is to quite simply not talk to him (aka block contact) if he spreads shite on deviantart, then so be it, you are your own person, internet rabble is internet rabble, it tends to go away
@65- He's blatantly inadequate and immature, and is making crude attempts at emotionally blackmailing you. This guy is bad news, and he sounds like exactly the sort of desperate loon that'll turn to stalking. Cut off contact NOW and tell someone IRL about this. And please say you haven't given him any personal details...
i agree with @67 though, warning signs + sympathy vote, and threats = something not quite right
(I should add that while I'm sure this man is lonely, pathetic and in need of someone to talk to, you are not that someone. He needs a friend his own age, whom he knows personally, or even a therapist- not some 16yr old he pours his heart out to over Deviantart. You're not doing anyone any favours by putting up with his crap; you're just getting sucked further into a dysfunctional relationship with a jackass.)
Mhmm. Let's see. My wife, and I really had a very hard time to have a child. We however lost one half a year back. She's only just expecting again... but then we broke up. We're both tired of the distance between us (about 300 Kilometres) and have fought about the double in the last couple of months as everything together of the years before that. I'm much younger than she. I'm more of a worrier - scared htat we won't have enough to give the child when it comes along and such, worrying about somewhere decent to live together over here, about money, about jobs... She's not. She only comes to realize more issues when I finally have figured something around the other ones I already knew. And so, we have broken up. That's nothing odd. I would guess that ever since we have been togethe,r there must have been at least ten break-ups and make-ups. Sure, we both love each other... but I'm tired of the fighting. How do I forget about her, and about the baby that would call me 'mommy'?
Wow. Ellipses nailed it. The advice is given in Ellipses usual blunt, no nonsense manner, but I think they are wise words, Bola
...definitly something to think about.
WHY IS MY FRIEND STILL HITTING ON ME WHY
Because... I had this problem with a friend - she arguably loved me since we were like 17 (we met when I was 13) but it got awkward a year later and she finally got it last august when - totally wasted - I managed to tell her everything I needed to say. I had to see her last december - didn't want to but she lives in the same flat as one of my other friend... I swear, she couldn't even look at me - not that I minded.
But before that, she never took any hint. As in:
Me: Can we talk?
Her: tries to snog me
And so on. She even let me drink and tried to get in my pants when I was drunk... After like... 3-4 years of pure Hell.
So if I can tell you something, just drop the subtlety and tell your friend that you are not interested at all - even better... make a sign and hit said friend with th sign until he gets it.
I know it's hard especially when you've known the person for a long time but normally, friends should understand whatever you have to say and if they can't... well, it's not for you to bear with that anyway.
ps: to answer your question... you are addictive, apparently.
Yeah, sorry Elipses, but it sounds like you're gonna have to get mean or practice extreme avoidance. :/
...and Tristana, that's just awful, what a terrible thing to go through, especially when you were drunk :(
Well, I finally realized just how dreadful she was as a friend. The day after, I emailed her and she was like: I knew I never stood a chance, so I figured that if you get drunk, it would be a good opportunity. She understood like, in January, that it was not something that friends do. Were it someone else, I would blame myself and swear never to drink anymore.
But... I am happy because I learned that my accent in English is better when I'm wasted.
I'm all fine - it's just that now, it's more difficult to trust anyone and I managed to tell myself I will spend the rest of my life on my own. With my cat...
And I agree with Moonphase for the avoidance - kinda the last resort.
Being mean is fine if your friend can't make you feel guilty. (Because guilt is a royal pain...)
Well, I finally realized just how dreadful she was as a friend. The day after, I emailed her and she was like: I knew I never stood a chance, so I figured that if you get drunk, it would be a good opportunity. She understood like, in January, that it was not something that friends do. Were it someone else, I would blame myself and swear never to drink anymore.
But... I am happy because I learned that my accent in English is better when I'm wasted.
I'm all fine - it's just that now, it's more difficult to trust anyone and I managed to tell myself I will spend the rest of my life on my own. With my cat...
And I agree with Moonphase for the avoidance - kinda the last resort.
Being mean is fine if your friend can't make you feel guilty. (Because guilt is a royal pain...)
Sheyt, double post... stupid computer. Sorry about that.
It's not really a relationship problem I've got, more... a problem with my own shyness.
I like looking at pretty girls. That's not a crime, at least not the last time I checked, as long as it's only looking, which it only is.
Every schoolday, I go by tram and subway to school. One day, a really, really pretty girl steps into the same tram as me, and of course, I look. Next day, she steps in again and I look again. I swear, only looking.
It's been five years since she stepped into the tram for the first time and I've still only had the guts to look and not talk to her. I want to talk to her, I'm curious about who she is, I'm tired of looking, and if she's not interested, I'll stop immediately. Only I just can't seem to gather the courage to talk to her and I really need to start doing that now, because next year is going to be the last year for me at that school, meaning that next year will be my last chance. If I don't grab it, I'm afraid I'll hate myself forever but I just don't know if I can gather the courage and we won't see each other until in septembre, when school starts again. Has anybody got any tips? It's really driving me crazy.
You should work on that bizarrely defensive thing you've got going. You're also shallow, but luckily for you, that's not a crime either.
If you're dead-set on talking to her, almost anything will work as a conversation-starter (even a nod), but I must wonder about your approach to relationships in general. To be 'driven crazy' by someone with whom you've never exchanged a word IS crazy. Reading between the lines, it sounds like you've created a fantasy and projected it onto the girl.
What if you like someone and wish you didn't?
Put yourself off them. If you really wish you didn't, it's easy enough. Concentrate on their faults.
It's perhaps a bit too much to say that I was driven crazy(I wrote it when it was late and I was sort of tired; everything is worse when you're tired), but you're sort of right about the fantasy, I guess. Thanks for the advice!
>> 85, just as '...' says - concentrate on their faults... you can always find something and even if it's not enough to deter you, at length it will.
Thanks. Since it's the summer and I won't see him much, I can do that.
Having forgotten it last time, I guess I should say sorry to you, ..., because I have indeed been acting horribly defensive. It's just that it's really embarassing that I still haven't talked to her and that I'm very, very afraid of being misunderstood. I'm backing off now for both our sakes since I got too obsessed; I still hope to talk to her, but now out of sheer curiosity as to who she is. I'm trying to stop projecting the fantasy. I hope you'll accept my apologies, ..., and I'm really grateful for your advice.
Leave. Now. Don't look back.
(>>90 Apologizing for something that does not warrant an apology is very strange. That kind of... desperation... to please/appease others would put the majority of women I know on their collective guard. It is a trait that makes people look overly dependent on others.)
@91- Just to add, any relationship that has deteriorated to 'we buy each other stuff' is already long-dead. Mais it is somehow even worse when said 'buying of stuff' is one-sided.
>>90, Chill out. You're reading too much into this girl, the potential of a relationship and the people (from this thread) opinions of you.
>>91. He sounds like an idiot. If you have bought it up with him and he doesn't care then I don't think anything else can be done. Stop buying him stuff. If that's all there is to the relationship now, you may as well end it before it gets really ugly and full of resentment.
>>85 Any luck with your situation?
I was 85, by the way. I don't know why the ID is different though... I was probably using a different computer, which I do a lot.
This isn't to ask for advice IN a relationship, but HOW to get into one. What's everyone's knowledge on how to develop from a friendship to something more? Especially when someone is the shy/uncertain type. Cause that's me.
>>97 For what it's worth, just be natural. If you're already friends, being yourself shouldn't be too much of a problem. Most important advice I can give you is: don't rush it. If you move too quickly you might destroy what you have. Just take it easy, spend time together, talk on msn or whatever. If the attraction's mutual, it'll develop into something more on its own.
Don't get impatient, though. For me personally it took well over a year before things moved from friendship to something more. It's worth every second, though.
>>97 I agree with KatonRyu -- do not rush it. Do you know for sure that your feelings are reciprocated? How confident are you that if the relationship fails, the friendship itself won't be damaged?
Personally, I know that there can be a number of issues involved with moving from friendship to relationship, though perhaps your circumstances aren't as muddled as mine were! I realised that I'd fallen for my best friend last October (and luckily enough, he felt the same way about me), but things can still get complicated by other circumstances - in my case, it was that I was already in a relationship, and couldn't find a way to break the news to my ex (it helped considerably when he cheated on me, but yeah.) But even after that, it was nerve-wracking, since my bf and I got together only 3 weeks after that and I was terrified it would turn out to be just a rebound, or that old ghosts would damage our relationship (10 months on, I can safely say that hasn't happened.)
Just let it be natural, I think, is the best advice I can give you. There's nothing worse than rushing and making foolish mistakes, just because of impatience or misreading the signs. If it's meant to work out, it likely will; if you're already (close) friends then you're probably already compatible in at least some sense...
Jen >> Try not to think too much about it... Has it gotten any worse? If not, it may help. I can't even tell you to find a 'replacement' because apparently it doesn't quite work... (friend tried and failed and let the others pick up the pieces).
Wifii >> Just not to be mean or anything but also: even though signs get positive, be careful, because sometimes, it's slightly more complicated. But KatonRyu and Gin are right.
(And gods, I know how rushing can be disastrous... still facepalming a year later
>>100 It's gotten better, actually. I knocked some sense into myself.
help... i don't know if this is the right thread but i'm desperate.
first i'm bi and my parents don't know... but there's this amazing girl at my college (we're both 17 and i know for a fact she's bi as well)who i met in sept of this year and i've managed to develop a pretty intense crush. Thing is i don't want to risk her friendship cos she's really great to talk to about pretty much... anything except this . she'd probably understand but i'm really scared she'll freak out and it's driving me round the twist!!!
then i've got the prob that if we did get together my parents are pretty homophobic and i wouldn't know how to tell them.
any help with her and/or the situation with my parents... much appreciated.
help... i don't know if this is the right thread but i'm desperate.
first i'm bi and my parents don't know... but there's this amazing girl at my college (we're both 17 and i know for a fact she's bi as well)who i met in sept of this year and i've managed to develop a pretty intense crush. Thing is i don't want to risk her friendship cos she's really great to talk to about pretty much... anything except this . she'd probably understand but i'm really scared she'll freak out and it's driving me round the twist!!!
then i've got the prob that if we did get together my parents are pretty homophobic and i wouldn't know how to tell them.
any help with her and/or the situation with my parents... much appreciated.
The worst you'd have to deal with is if your friend would freak out at your being bi, but if she is as well that's pretty unlikely to be the case.
So really, this is no different from some girl asking a straight guy out or vice versa. My advice would be the same regardless: do it! Do it now! If she really likes you as a friend, she won't be put off (just try not to come off as too needy/desperate).
Regarding your parents: are you financially dependent on them? if you are, keep things under your hat 'til you get out of college or at least are financially on your own. If you're self-supporting, the best thing you can do is be honest with them but be prepared for some grief. They'll probably come around eventually but it may take a while ... but being closeted forever will NOT make you happy.
Hey, I recommend the Post Secret chat boards to you: heavy LGBT presence there, lots of kids around your age. I'm there as Manawyddan.