A fanfic idea I have been working on... (9)

1 Name: Harry J.B. : 2010-03-07 18:45 ID:iaPpfj3u

First of all, hi. You may know me from FanFiction.net if you go there (I have it linked). If not, ignore this paragraph.

Anyway, I've been working on a SonicTH fanfic called Rayne. It features mostly OC's and I wanted some opinions on it.

RAYNE
Genre(s): Action/Romance/Drama/Fantasy
Rating: T (or 15, whichever you prefer)

Plot:
Harry Tsunami is a hedgehog with a broken past. His mother lost to disease, his father murdered by a demon of ancient times and a sword with the spirit of his ancestor trappeed inside it.

Along with several allies, Tsunami is on a search for his brother, the legendary Chaos Emeralds and the lost and forgotten experiment that could harness their power perfectly: Project Shadow.

May write some brief notes about characters if everyone is interested.

2 Name: tiger002 : 2010-03-11 12:49 ID:o4f+im4i

I don't know much about sonic, but it looks like it could be a good story. Tsunami looks like a good character, so I might be interested.

3 Name: Anonymius : 2010-03-25 04:34 ID:oJ6nEyZI

That actually sounds like quite a good story!

4 Name: Marth : 2010-03-25 09:01 ID:VGSh3Bt7

Honestly, Tsunami sounds like kind of a Sue. Or a Final Fantasy protagonist. Even if the canon does take place in a fantasy setting where demons and magic swords are semi-common (I'm only familiar with satAM, which is more dystopian sci-fi, but I assume this is different), piling on the tragedy and specialness--his mother and father died in two seperate tragicliche ways? really?--aren't going to endear most readers to the character.

And again, I don't know anything about the setting, but is there any reason it has to be a Sonic fic rather than a piece of original fiction? People are generally more forgiving of Sueish traits in original stories than fanfic OCs.

5 Name: Iaculus : 2010-03-25 19:25 ID:JuFs/ZH4

Just to check, be honest, please - does the title refer to a surname/village in Essex, or did you pick it just because it sounds cool?

I ask because Nineties, Liefeld-esque works striving to be 'dark' and 'gritty' tended to badly overuse Xtreme Kool Letterz, and the summary plus title sounds worryingly reminiscent of one of those.

... Aaand now I have this mental image of Sonic characters as drawn by Rob Liefeld. Pass the mindbleach, someone?

6 Name: Chris000 : 2010-03-25 20:01 ID:iBpjUN4V

Ouch, I see Gary Stu draped all over this one. In all honesty and not to offend. Take it from me, I know Sonic OCs. Firstly, I like the addition of a last name. What I don't like is that it is elemental. Tsunami seems like a cliche'd name. You could alter it to say, Suname so that fits.

Losing a loved one to a disease is a bit of a cliche, although it can work. When I read the father, I kind of shook my head. Looking for Chaos Emeralds is not unheard of. That was the goal of my characters as well to get home. Using Shadow as a means of locating them seems alright as well as he would be a contracted ally.

The brother sideplot sounds reasonable. I can't judge that based on a sentence.

Give me some more info. I'm suddenly interested.

7 Name: Marth : 2010-03-29 20:28 ID:VGSh3Bt7

Iaculus: You use "Liefeldesque" as an adjective. Please marry me.

8 Name: ... : 2010-03-30 05:10 ID:idwTL14c

Hands off.

(Also, Chris- Suname = Sue name. Heh)

9 Name: Chris000 : 2010-03-30 12:57 ID:j46ZSOdF

That's actually very funny! I didn't even see that!

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